Six months ago I was about to set off on quite possibly the biggest adventure I have had to date- moving clear across the world. Early today while reflecting on who I've met, what I've seen, where I've been, and what I've accomplished I had to laugh. Never in a bazillion years could I have predicted 85% of these things 6 months ago. I had to laugh even more when I pulled up a blog entry written the night before I left Monterey. For those of you who were around when I was packing up my traveling show here's just a little more of what was going on in my head and causing restless nights in between running around like a mad woman:
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The End of an Era
So I'm back to the land of misery or being a "poopy pants" as Andie has dubbed it. You think I'd be over this feeling since it happens several times a year; it's the same mood that I slip into when a friend that may as well be family moves. I guess in a way it's similar because in both cases I feel like I'm losing a part of myself?
This morning when I opted for a walk around base I couldn't help but tear up as I recalled countless friends, coworkers, classes, antics, and memories that took place in all those buildings, streets, and walkways. For so many years (even before being an employee) memories have been formed within those gates- late night basketball games, pool trips, sleep overs, field trips, 8th grade graduation. Never in a million years would I have imagined that I'd walk across that stage again but this time for a MBA, run countless miles within that fence, or meet some of the most amazing people ever.
No doubt about it, NPS and even more so, Monterey has played a HUGE roll in my past. It's where I call home. It's where 95% of my defining moments have taken place. It's where I've always returned to when school got too tough or I just needed a place to escape the insanity. Yes, I will still be able to return here but it's no longer 2 hours up the road...it's going to take the better part of a 24 hour day, 9 time zones, and a pricey ticket.
I just don't get it. I want to leave Monterey. I have ever since returning in 2005. My plan was to be out of here in 6 months. SIX MONTHS. It's now been 5 years, 4 months, and 2ish weeks and I'm finally doing what I set out to do and the fear is freezing me in my tracks.
The multitude of speed bumps have all been removed: paperwork complete, tickets purchased, romantic interests over, friends planning moves, packing, moving, ending work, and yet I am still trying to slow down just enough to take this all in. Oh the irony. I think I am crazy. Just a week ago I was complaining of boredom but I guess that was before I had a set date for departure? Funny how once things fell into place, I once again fell apart. I don't think major life goals are supposed to do that to you---are they?
So many cheesy sayings come to mind- don't be afraid of change...be afraid of not changing, a new chapter can't start until the current one ends, nothing ventured...nothing gained..and I agree with all of them. No doubt about it, I want this job. I want to live in Italy. I'm excited for what the next 3 years hold- personally, professionally, and just the experience...but I still want my family to be 20 minutes away and to be surrounded by friends. I know that when I started at NPS there were few friends here and I slowly expanded my groups when new cohorts arrived and introductions made and the same will happen in Italy.
One thing for sure, I want nothing more than to just get on a plane...even if that means a scene in the Monterey airport tomorrow night with my family. Ugh, I better start getting hydrated today.
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For the record my parents and I didn't make a scene in the airport. Sure there were hugs and a few tears but being the incredible parents that they are, they understood that Italy was going to be great for me and encouraged me through my mini breakdowns just days before departure. I think the bigger scene was my brother and I hugging it out in our front yard. Yes. I do love my family. But you see, that's just it. They are my family no matter what and although I miss them a ton (mainly because I wish they were here to experience all of this with me) at the end of the day I know they are still just a phone call away or internet permitting a video chat away.
Um where was I going with all of this? Yeah, not sure and since I don't have a GPS directing me I guess what I'm trying to say here is I've survived 6 months in Italy!
***Major Firework Display***
In these 6 months...
- I finally believe the "I love it" coming out of my mouth when asked how I like Naples.
- I'm making huge strides in learning the new job (I even know how to correct the mistakes I still make, after identifying my own mistakes...takes talent, I know).
- I haven't regretted making this move.
- Friendships are being formed (even if at times I feel like this is a smaller community than Monterey with all the shared friends).
- Military uniforms no longer hold a strange power over me. I guess seeing them every day has conditioned me? That or the lack of green ones...
- Find a pasta that I can't live without.
- Hold a conversation with my land lady- in Italian.
- Fit into my clothes/keep the pizza belly in check.
- Figure out where they sell fireworks- the one year mark deserves real ones :)
Yep. I think that's about all I have to say on this topic. My apologies for another episode of "Katie's Ramblings" but I really want to keep tabs on these milestones because it helps me keep everything in perspective. Sure I'm living in Italy but it's not always filled with wine, amazing food, and trips despite what my pictures may indicate and I want to really capture my entire experience.
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